Why Do People Have Sex?

Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.” But how many reasons can the two of you name for seeking sex? One study has cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.

From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness- today’s reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity then in former times. And we are doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators. 1. To make babies, 2. To feel good and or 3. Because you are in love. 

Today, sexual behavior seems to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.

Wired for Sex

“We are programmed to do so. Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward the behavior.” Says Richard Caroll, PhD, professor of psychology at University of Hawaii. “Evolution theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is ‘wired in’ in order to promote species survival. Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have sex or avoids sex.

What’s Your Motive?

Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories.

Physical reasons: Pleasure, Stress relief, Exercise, Sexual curiosity, or Attraction to a person.

Goal –based reasons: To make a baby, Improve social status or seek revenge.

Emotional reasons: Love, Commitment, and Gratitude.

Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or because of a feeling of duty or pressure for example, a partner insists on having sex.

The Difference between the Sexes

Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, although they very well may also desire pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement aspects of sex. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex. Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel. You are not really caring about the emotions of your partner. Person-oriented sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care about the emotions involved and the relationship. Men often start being body centered. But that changes later on. As men reach their 40s, 50s, and 60s, their relationship becomes more important.

Women actually become more like men over time, in the sense that often early on, sex is about initiating, developing, strengthening, and maintaining relationship, but in a long-term relationship they can actually begin to focus on the pleasure of it.

20 Reasons People have Sex

Stressed out? Have sex. Stress reduction is one of the leading reasons Americans, particularly men, say they have sex. The review,published in Sexuality & Culture, shows other most frequently cited reasons for having sex include:

• Boosting mood and relieving depression
• Duty
• Enhancement of power
• Enhancement of self-concept
• Experiencing the power of one’s partner
• Feeling loved by your partner
• Fostering jealousy
• Improve reputation or social status
• Making money
• Making babies
• Need for affection
• Nurturance
• Partner novelty
• Peer pressure or pressure from partner
• Pleasure
• Reduce sex drive
•  Revenge
• Sexual curiosity
• Showing love to your partner
• Spiritual transcendence

Why Study Sex?

Understanding why people seek sex is not always a simple task.  But such knowledge can improve a couple’s sex life.  “Understanding these differences in motivations is very important. It helps us understand what’s going on in the sexual relationship and treat sexual problems. Very often you find the source of the problem can be traced to the particular motivation.” If you need help, feel free to call my office and make an appointment to consult me to understand your Sexuality.