HOW TO HANDLE BAD SEX. WHAT TO TRY TO MAKE IT WORK:
You are in a good mood to make love. The lights are low. The clothes lie in a heap on the floor. You reach for each other. The two of you tumble to the bed, and then â€¦.. Blah. No explosions of passion. No breathy proclamations of desire. No tumultuous climax. To put it bluntly, the sex just isn't that good
And then you wonder: how can everyone in movies and romance novels are having great sex, when you and your partner can barely create a spark? TV shows and movies give us this much skewed representation of what sex is supposed to be like. "Everyone seems to be climaxing and having orgasms all the time from whatever they are doing , and I think when you grow up on a diet of that, when your real life doesn't match, you think, there's something wrong wit me', or There is something wrong with my partner."
Real -life sex can almost never measure up to the passion portrayed on the screen, never compare your sex life with your friends or neighbors or other people. "People don't talk about the fact that it's likely that in an odd position you will pass gas, or the love of your life will take you in his arms and have bad breath."
Sex in the real world isn't perfect, and it doesn't always end with an earth-shattering climax-but it doesn't have to. "Good sex doesn't necessarily have to be about an orgasm. It can just be an emotionally fulfilling experience between partners."
No matter how bad your sex life may be, it can get better. The key, say our experts, is to know exactly what you want-and then ask for it. Have open communications with partner.
Getting What You Want in Bed
You like long foreplay sessions. Your partner is ready to go in an instant. You long for wet, sensual kisses. He prefers dry, chaste pecks. Your partner needs sex twice in a day. You can't handle it more then three times in a week. Even when everything else in the relationship is working, sexual styles aren't always compatible. That's especially true for new couples.
Sex is not just naturally perfect, there is the energy of a new relationship that is positive- the excitement and the eagerness and the passion. And the negative is that you bump noses or knees because you just haven't learned how to dance together yet.
Even long term couples can struggle in the bedroom. Though we can easily tell our partner what shirt we'd like them to wear, or what we'd like them to cook for dinner, on the topic of sex we tend to get tongue-tied
"People tend to be very sensitive when it comes to talking about sex. They're afraid of hurting their partner's feelings, so they don't tell them what they like or don't like." You are not going to get it unless you ask for it
So how do you tell your partner what you want without hurting his or her ego? "I think it's really in how you bring up the statement." I would love it if weâ€¦. or could we try this? â€¦.You doesn't want to make them feel badly about what they've done or haven't done. You can have that conversation in bed, or at dinner over a glass of wineâ€”or whenever is most comfortable for you
Before you talk, you need to know exactly what about your sex life bothers you. Is it a question of technique? Personal hygiene? Timings? Erection problems or premature ejaculation or Painful sexual intercourse or dryness of vagina? "Once you know what isn't working for you, there are ways you can suggest that can mitigate those circumstances
For example, if something about your male partner's erection problem or premature ejaculation problem, ask him to consult a sexologist or sexual medicine expert, if something about your partners smell is turning you off, suggest taking a bath together before making love. If you crave more foreplay, ask for slower segues into sex, if you like oral sex and partner is not comfortable, talk openly about it and if she or he needs to get more information, consult a sexologist for counseling.
Before you can tell your partner what you want him/her to do in bed, you need to know what you like. I think especially for women, they have got to explore their own bodies. They have to masturbate. Get a vibrator. Read some books. Teach yourself how to orgasm. Once woman has figured out what she wants and shared it with your partner, what if your sex life continues to be dull or unfulfilling? What if it's so bad that it's
When it's Just Not Working
After you have tried talking and the sex still isn't working, what then? â€“ Experiment together. Learn to get to know each other's bodies. Try some sex toys. Read some books with pictures or watch an educational movie- Not porn, but explicit videos in which a voice-over explains what's happening in the scenes. Sometimes the problem is a physical one, such as premature ejaculation. Or it may be that the stress from your job is affecting into the bedroom and disrupting your sex life. In those cases it can help to see a Sexologist for counseling. According to me, every couple has the potential to have good sex. If you are two emotionally and physically healthy people, you should be able to work with what you've got. You can get better, but you have to practice, and you have to be open to discussing it and getting help when you need it.